Hello round eyes $$
Soooooooooooooo… we just experienced our first ping pong show…
Here’s how it went down .. we went shopping for some belts, bought a few then Kim searched out the biggest meanest creepiest tattoo’d guy out of the 10,000 offering ping pong shows and took him up on his offer. He told us what the catch was since there was no cover charge – each drink was 100 Baht (approx. AU$5) and then led us up 3 stories in this darkened building with and where we could see the crustiest old bag putting rings onto a bottle with some chopsticks jammed into her twanga. We had a baby sitter at our table who watched our every move and then came the ping pong show .. a chunky thai lady with saggy bellies & boobies. Whilst she was getting ready the crusty old bag with the chopsticks came over to our table and started demanding money for the show, we argued with her for about 10 minutes and then just gave her 20 Baht (less than AU$1) to STFU. Then all these other skanks came over and started trying to scab money .. but we told those bitches to GTFO .. and they received 0 Baht (approx AU$0).
After that finally came the great moment .. the ping pong show .. where Dr Awesome (TM) was invited to return the ball with the ping pong paddle .. and he did just that .. and one time too hard which returned the ball at gross velocity into the fat ladies vagina which made her stop and rub it because it was so sore due to my awesome Wii Tennis skills practice.
Aside from that Dr. Awesome (TM) also hit many other things with the ping pong ball including some white guy near the bar, a lady boy sitting in the next table .. and the other side of the room.
I decided since fatty was such a good sport about the whole returning the ball too hard thing I gave her a tip of 100 Baht (approx $5), which she was greatful to receive.
After the ping pong show we decided it was time to GTFO before we get scammed for more cash (total spent 120 Baht so far) .. so we decided to head for the hills and pay for our drinks, only to arrive to a bill grossing 2400 Baht (approx AU$100) which broke down like this:
1100 Baht x 2: Lady show
100 Baht x 2: Singha beers
We argued with the for about 10 minutes and told them we had no cash etc, but the fat hag kept reaching for Kim’s pocket and my wallet, but we managed to argue our way out of it and paid 600 Baht (approx AU$30) and GTFO quickly. Which was more than we could say for the very unhappy white folk who left before us who were handing out wads cash reluctantly.
So all in all it was a pretty awesome experience so here’s a tip if you come to thailand (information that Lonely Planet won’t give you that they should):
GO TO THE BAR AND CHECK ALL COSTS BEFORE SITTING DOWN, DON’T JUST CHECK WITH THE CREEPY GUY THAT KIM HAS SELECTED FOR YOU